


Dreams & Nightmares

by thegirlwholoveshorror



Series: Don't Stop Smoking And Drinking [6]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bad Parenting, Drama & Romance, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-02 13:40:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13319331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlwholoveshorror/pseuds/thegirlwholoveshorror
Summary: It's in the title of the story.





	Dreams & Nightmares

> Maybe you've been through this before,  
>  But it's my first time so please ignore...  
>  The next few lines 'cause they're directed at you. — Jack Johnson;  _Sitting, Waiting, Wishing_

 

March 11 2011

Jensen and Jared stood side-by-side on the red-carpet at the 84th Golden Globe Awards, both men dressed in tuxedos, groomed and polished like you wouldn’t believe. They were sun-drenched, but happy. Their suits were a deep back, and they wore matching bow-ties of a sapphire colour.

Relaxed and unconcerned, they chatted and laughed; laughed and chatted; chatted and laughed; laughed and chatted; chatted and laughed... And, lo and behold, but try not to be too amazed, it was all done in the merriest fashion possible!

The sky above them was a clear vivid blue - a clear, steel blue like the ocean to be **exact** ; free of any clouds.

It was a beautiful Californian summer night, and it was a special night, as it would surely be filled with food, drinks, art and music. After all, the champagne was already flowing, and the smiles and the laughs at the party were nothing but abundant thus far. Not to mention, Jensen and Jared were in love and finally at unity with each other. Their relationship was strong and positive. And just like that, nothing else mattered. Everything just made perfect sense. The world and everything in it was beautiful. The atmosphere was fun and friendly.

And so, hot tendrils of pleasure shot up Jensen and Jared's spines; simplicity and joy to their mere existences. What a time to be alive! What a place to be! And, perhaps idiotically, Jensen had felt a shock of excitement and let himself go in the moment. As soon as they had stepped onto the red carpet together just a few minutes prior, there had been a flurry of camera flashes and lights as well as catcalls and screams. They came from the crowd gathered behind the barricades across the street from the red carpet. It had all started from the very moment Jared had stepped out into the public eye and extended his arm to him in the spirits of helping him out of the limousine they'd arrived in. The party had already been in full swing then. But, Jensen had simply smiled at that moment and taken Jared’s left in hand in his, the rest of the world slipping away...

“Is there something we should know?” the red carpet interviewer had asked into her microphone with a tonal wink and a nudge into Jensen’s shoulder as soon as she had seen him. She had looked back and forth between the two of them then with a broad smile, the sun shining off her fiery red hair. She wore a ruby, floor-length gown. Jensen had recognized her right away: it was Danneel Harris, an actress mostly known for her roles in big theatre plays. A cameraman with dirty blond hair stood there behind her, silent as he was filming their every move.

The television cameras were broadcasting the event live; tweets being thrown all over the place. Jensen had thought for a moment what his brother would think upon seeing him here with Jared... After a moment, he smiled though: he realized that he didn't care what Joshua thought about their love. It was a wonderful realization. Jared and him made a strong team, and, together, they would go the distance.

“Actually, there is,” Jensen responded. “I’m tired of trying to hide,” he added. It was finally time to come out of the closet and let the world know exactly who he and Jared are. It was time to be finally happy. With the loving help of his fiancé, he could do it. “We’re together, Danneel,”

Jensen then turned around and leaned up into Jared to kiss him. Jared decided at that moment to lean into the kiss, welcoming him: he offered no resistance and kissed him back wholeheartedly, hands coming to rest, as they always did, on Jensen's firm ass; a soft hum of surrender on his lips, happy to be giving out and experiencing pleasure at the same time. A feeling of warmth spread through Jensen’s body right then —satisfying, pleasant. He then proceeded to cup the side of Jared's face and brush his thumb against his cheek as he kissed him, deepening it with every moment that passed. The kiss was extremely passionate: their tongues had all but tangled in a sweet, hot battle, Jensen's breath lost.

It was a perfect, endless moment: cameras flashed and cheers arose as the sun shone down from a cloudless, blue sky; warming them all.

Questions would probably lit the air after this... but Jensen just didn't care anymore!

Danneel laughed: not a mean laugh, but a sweet loving laugh. “Come on now, boys. Save it for the bedroom. Let's keep it PG. This is a family-friendly event," she said almost seriously, fanning herself. Just then, there was a particularly loud scream followed by a few gasps, and Jensen and Jared broke apart and looked, along with Danneel, back over their shoulders at the pile of flailing fangirls in the audience.

\-------------------------

The sound of Jensen's phone receiving a text broke Jared's concentration. Jared sighed, cursing whatever well-meaning person who was just checking in on his boyfriend. “Don't answer it, Jen. Baby, come on: just leave it,” Jared reached over to take Jensen's hand in his.

Jensen and Jared sat side by side in the audience of the Awards' show. The night was young, and it was all theirs. Jared didn't want anything or anyone to upset this evening for them. Jensen had been nominated for a Golden Globe award, and they had finally managed to find their balance together as a couple and in their lives as a whole: despite obstacles and difficulties, they had come so far to arrive to where they are.

Jensen **frowned** then hesitated for a moment upon looking down at his phone. It was from Joshua... And it was an emergency!

With one quick look at Jensen's face, Jared hoped it wasn't anyone in Jensen's family texting him... but he sensed that it was, in the same way that elderly people can sometimes know when it's going to rain by the aches that develop in their joints. Jared thought, _What could they possibly want?_

Just as suddenly, Jensen stood up, upsetting his glass of wine. He was shaking in such a way that suggested that he was scared. He hugged his arms to himself as if he was cold. “I have to get this. It's okay. Just stay here, Jared. Please don't follow me. I can handle this,” his voice cracked.

Jensen then shimmied quickly out of his place and down the aisle they were in before leaving the room through the back door.

Jared was tempted to stand up and follow Jensen right then, but he stayed for a few moments in his seat so as not to raise any suspicions or startle anyone, before finally standing up and going after him. Something was clearly very wrong here, and Jared refused to remain a bystander when it was his husband-to-be that was upset. About twenty minutes later, he found Jensen outside, leaning against one of the brick walls of the building not too far from the entrance to the lot —now pretty much deserted, save for a few well-built security guards and care-takers next to the large fences' entrance. He was smoking a cigarette. Jared knew it had to be serious because Jensen had quit three years previously.

Besides the wet tracks of his tears - something Jared knew Jensen would have hidden if he could have -, the only outward sign of distress Jensen showed was the trembling of his arms. Upon seeing Jared though, the expression on Jensen's face crumpled furthermore, and it was made it clear to Jared just how sad his fiancé was... He looked as though he was about to have a stroke. He was pale and looked so vulnerable.

“I'm so sorry, Jared. Please forgive me,” Jensen choked. He could barely see through his tears.

“You're scaring me, Jensen,”

\-------------------------

“What's wrong, Jensen?” asked Jared, worry etched across his ruggedly handsome, yet now unusually soft features. “Baby, tell me what's going on,”

Feverishly clutching his cell phone, Jensen cried... “I love you, but I can't stay. I have to go. I have to leave now,”

Jensen felt horrible. He had just bummed a cigarette off one of the building's security guards and, as of five minutes ago, was now smoking again. And now he had to abandon the night: the Awards' show, his loving boyfriend; everything that he had worked so **hard** for... Tears ran down his face, and his nose grew heavy and clogged with mucus. His world was falling apart. And so, with every moment, he began to cry harder!

Jared listened to his boyfriend and hoped and prayed that he would do the same for him; just _listen_. Everything would be okay.

“She's dying. My mom is dying,” Jensen said. “She doesn't have much longer to live,” he added. “And _they_ need me there, like yesterday,”

Jared was overthrown. He couldn't speak, couldn't breathe and couldn't think. He was all but choking on the words that had just poured out of Jensen's mouth; all feelings of hope, dream and pride now surely gone. Jared didn't want Jensen to go back there... but he knew that he would have to let Jensen go... And Hell, Jared himself didn't want to go back there... They had both sworn that they would never go back.

After a few moments of dead silence, Jensen strode purposefully past him and then eventually past the television cameras, photographers and reporters monitoring the event from just outside of the blue and golden gates to the premises, around the corner from where Jared was now still standing: disheartened and dispirited by the recent turn of events. Then, he chased down a taxi to the airport for a flight to New York City.

\-------------------------

Jensen sat on the aeroplane, hands twisting in his lap. Guilt washed over him,and he let a few tears slide down his cheeks. How could he have ever been so **stupid** as to think that the could actually get away from his family and that _God-forsaken_ place? Somehow, he just _knew_ that it was his fault that his mother was now dying... because he was gone from her, and he should never have left her... That's what his family would have him believe anyway. Jensen's blood boiled as these thoughts crossed his mind and he stared down at the city of Los Angeles.

And he thought... he thought... he thought...

What was the best day of his life was now by far his worst. He would now likely never get the chance to live his dreams again. He'd have to leave it all behind: in California where he'd forever longed to be... His dreams would now be for sale.

Jensen could remember the day that he had told Jared that he loved him and that he only wanted to be with him. He could remember the day that Jared had proposed to him, in a dog park of Long Beach as they were both taking a walk with Jared's dogs, Sadie and Harley.

Jensen would forever cherish those memories; maintaining a long silence; his breath short...

However, as wonderful as those thoughts are, he would have to let them go.

His mother was on her deathbed, and, true to his promise, he would return to be with her and then never leave her again. He would speed to beat the sunrise to get to where she is. Her illness had arisen unexpectedly, and, although Jensen and his siblings had believed that she could be cured, Jensen now knew that the illness she had would kill her. She had been under hospice for the last two months, and things had been going so well for a while now... there had been reason to be hopeful... but Jensen's heart broke now, realizing that, ultimately, _all good things come to end._

Jensen hated his life and scolded himself for even being born.

His father wouldn't be there for his mother, Donna. They had been separated for seven years now. As for Mackenzie, well, she was too busy to really care for their mother: too busy with her work as a nurse at Moonlight Pediatrics; too busy with her life as a whole... Of course, her intentions were good: they were just a little too business-like for Jensen's taste; too rigidly organized and rather tradesman-like. She was rest-assured though that Joshua and Jensen would always handle family affairs. Nonetheless, Jensen couldn't understand how this event could be handled by her like somewhat of a commodity... not when the woman who had all but raised her and her brothers was about to die. Although death may be an everyday occurrence for Mackenzie because of her work, Jensen couldn't believe that she had all but lost sight of their mother and couldn't be bothered to get time off work or to step away from her husband and children just to be by her side in her last few hours living.

And so Jensen sat there on this aeroplane, feeling alone and dejected; heading back to his childhood town— the very last place he wanted to be on Earth: his beautiful clothes now rumpled, fearing his heart might fail because his fears were bubbling over. Tonight, all of his fears had all been confirmed. He exhaled slowly, leaning his head back into the seat as he continued to gaze out the window. His eyelashes were clumped and wet as tears continued to drip from the corners of his eyes and slide around his nose. He would continue to cry until he felt flat and empty...

_Freedom was an illusion..._

 -------------------------

Jared laid the flat of his right hand on the brick wall of the building next to him and closed his eyes, hoping to feel anchored and **grounded** instead of adrift. When that failed to work, he turned his back to the wall and leaned against it. Then, he slid to the ground and let out a choked sob. He would surely get tuxedo dirty by doing this, but he couldn't for the life of him give a shit about that right now. Jensen was gone. Confused, he ran his fingers through his hair and then buried his face in his hands. A storm was brewing, and already Jensen and himself were caught out in it. 

 -------------------------

Without throwing another glance at Los Angeles, Jensen closed his eyes and let the exhaustion of his emotions finally just pull him under.

 

“Bang!” “Bang!” “Bang!”

Jensen awoke to find himself lying facedown on the cold wooden floor of his bedroom, bare-chested and teary-eyed.

Rolling onto his back, he let out a strangled sigh before struggling to sit up.

Looking through the window, he saw that it was heavily raining and that there was explosive thunder and lightning playing up there above, in the dark gray starless sky of this apparently great City; New York City. Pulling the comforter off his bed and into his lap, he then grabbed the pillow from his bed and placed it behind his **head** , on the floor, but not before leaning up to grab the half-full bottle of Budweiser that was on his nightstand. Then, he collapsed back onto the floor. He still had some feelings and thoughts to drown out after all, and the night was still young!

Jensen wasn't sure why, but he felt better on the floor right now. He'd spend the rest of this dark and chilly March night here, on the _floor_.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm wishing everyone a wonderful 2018! Now, please let me know what you think of this story! x


End file.
